My Mind is Fucking Blown Right Now o.O

Today was a most eventful day for me.

INCIDENT ONE in which Richard the Dick pisses me off.

It starts out with an old fashioned dickhead ruining my morning. 

Basically:

Myself, and two other class mates, drive up to LATU for our bovine clinical examination lab at 9am. We arrive at 8.55am and wait in the shed. The rest of the class turns up around 9.05am. The lecturer and his assistant turn up at 9.30am.

9.30 fucking am.

No apology at all for being late.

And then Mr 'I'm a Graduated Vet and you are all just Undergrad Vet Techs' talks to us like we're shit and orders us to go get our thermometers for the lab, which nobody brought with them as we have always been supplied with them and were instructed to not buy them until the second year. 

According to Richard (how appropriate, he can be called Dick) we all had to go buy one from Farm Services on campus for "ninety eight cents".

So we all pile back into the car and head back to campus to find thermometers in our rooms. A few people bought a thermometer between them.

Ninety eight cents my arse.

Try NINE FUCKING DOLLARS.

In the end me and two others shared a thermometer, but can I just point out there was no apology for being late, there was no reason to talk to us like we were shit and he was just an all round arsehole.

Plus he broke somebody's recently bought "ninety eight cents" thermometer with a shit load of lube (totally not necessary due to the size of a cow's arsehole - an arm can fit up there for god's sake) and told her she had to get it repaired or replace it. 

The fucker.

INCIDENT TWO in which I discovered a long lost cousin.

So as an RA I have met all manner of new people, both other RA's and residents. Now a few RA's have left the job for various reasons. Most recently an RA from a hall in the same village as mine announced he was moving to Hong Kong to play rugby. 

Just today, a couple days before he left, he asked me if I knew a Jack and Bev Doyle.

Me: 'Yeah, Uncle Jack is my great uncle. Not by blood or anything, just coz he married my dad's aunty before she passed away. He's always been pretty close to the fam bam.'

Other RA: Oh, well he's my great-granddad. My grandma's dad.'

Me: 'No shit! So we're kinda related.'

So there you have it. Small world.

My mum says that makes me and said RA second or third cousins or something.

And now that recently found cousin is moving to Hong Kong. Quite sad really haha. I found and lost a family member in one day.

Mind you, if he becomes a famous rugby player and plays for the All Blacks or something I can say I'm related to an All Black haha.

Might even meet Sonny Bill Williams! =D

Wishful thinking much.

Also, just occurred to me that it may have been slightly wrong of me to check said RA out at training at the start of the year. I mean, yeah he is pretty good looking. And yeah, I am happy in my relationship. It was just an innocent checking out. Appreciating a good looking guy, nothing wrong with that.

BUT NOW HE'S MY COUSIN.

Sigh. Hope he doesn't read this, by the way o.O

Sonny Bill ain't my cousin. Just saying.

INCIDENT THREE in which Kairanga Court's fire alarm goes off right as I was about to go to dinner.

Not much to say about this incident. Apart from the cause (deodorant spray setting an over-sensitive alarm off) and the impact it had on my getting dinner (was ten minutes late, which meant ten minutes of hunger pains for me).

However it did lead to...

INCIDENT FOUR in which the Great Key Mystery Occurs.

This is quite possibly the most puzzling incident of all. It still is baffling my brain as we speak. Well, as I type.

See that right there? It's a key. Key's open doors. And lock them again. To be precise it is a 'bilock key', used in the halls.

Keys can also be lost.

The most creepy part is that they can also be stolen.

But let us return to the incidents leading up to the Great Key Mystery. In chronological order so that you can truly understand the complexity and confusing-ness of this Great Key Mystery.

1. Fire alarm goes off. Caused by the deodorant spray in room A2-1.
2. Resident of that room leaves room unlocked with key in the room.
3. Normal procedures for a sounding fire alarm are carried out.
4. Firemen leave, security leaves, after checking room and leaving it unlocked.
5. Resident of room A2-1 returns to room with 2 other residents to investigate deodorant.
6. I leave for dinner, and fill out incident report form on way back from dining hall. 
7. Am notified by another resident that A2-1 resident has now lost his keys.
8. Return to hall thinking it was lost during alarm and may have been picked up/dropped on grass outside hall.
9. Am informed this is not the case, and that events 1 to 5 (above) and the following events are what occurred.
10. 3 Residents left room A2-1 to get chicken out of freezer in A2 pod kitchen and take to B1 pod kitchen to cook dinner.
11. Resident of room A2-1 is pretty sure he locked his door, but can't remember exactly. Let's face it, locking doors sort of blends into what you do when you leave your room. You don't distinctly remember doing it on one set occasion because you have done it countless times before. However, whether he did or didn't lock it is not really pertinent to what follows.
12. Residents go to B1 pod, as well as stopping by in another room in B1 pod.
13. Resident of A2-1 decides to return to room to get something.
14. Discovers the door is locked and he doesn't have his key on him. Assumes he has dropped it.
15. Him and other 2 residents search both pod kitchens, all rooms (a smaller resident climbed into room A2-1 through the window and unlocked it from the inside. It was most definitely locked) and outside areas.
16. I help them search, checking outside the hall also. Key still missing.
17. We all have a break while residents eat dinner.
18. Two residents leave to re-search their respective rooms.
19. Resident of A2-1 returns having found his key on his desk in his room under a piece of paper.

Now, there are a few more factors to consider:

1. Resident of A2-1 had not left the hall since the fire alarm. Key was in his room when it sounded and when he returned to his room. Therefore keys couldn't have been anywhere outside the hall.
2. The security and fire people did check his room but did not lock it afterwards, as demonstrated by the 3 residents reentering the room to investigate the deodorant that caused the fire alarm to sound.
3. In this hall, doors can not be locked from the inside and then shut due to the lock mechanism.
4. Nor can they click into the lock position from the inside if the door is slammed hard enough.
5. We tested both 3 and 4 thoroughly.
6. Due to the security measures in place on the windows, only people of very small stature can climb into the room through them. Examples; the small resident that unlocked the room from the inside.
7. All possible master keys that could have locked/unlocked the room were accounted for; mine was locked in my safe, my RA partner was away without his key anyhow, and the duty RA master key was also in my possession as I am duty RA for the night.
8. Also, there is no logical reason as to why my RA partner would have taken his master key and locked room A2-1 randomly, even when he did return to the hall.
9. Nothing was taken, or moved around. The room did not look as though it had been tampered with to the resident.
10. The room is on the second floor, but has balcony's around the edge, accessible by climbing a fence from the stairs. The stairs are inside the courtyard, which has swipe card entry only.
11. However, during the fire alarm, the swipe card entry system is down so that fire services can enter/exit through the gates.

The main point of all this is:

The key could not have been locked inside the room by anybody with the equipment to do so, nor could it have been locked inside the room on accident.

Which leads us to a few conclusions, of which only some are plausible (shown in bold):

1. Aliens beamed the keys up from the resident's pocket while the room was locked, ran tests on them, and beamed them back down into the locked room by mistake.
2. Somebody either took/found the keys and locked the room. Then, when they saw the room being unlocked from the inside, placed the keys on the desk when they saw the residents go downstairs to B1 pod.
3. Somebody either took/found the keys and locked the room. Then they climbed through the open window, put the keys on the desk, and exited via the window.
4. The hall is haunted.

Now, numbers 2 and 3 could only have been accomplished by another resident. Number 3 could only be done by a smaller person, which is none of the people who also share A2 pod.

There are also many, many more explanations, both wildly unbelieveable, as well as totally logical. Who knows what the real one is.

But my mind is most definitely mystified, boggled and blown from this Great Key Mystery.

Over and out.

Mince Pies, Fat Sluts and Obese Arseholes (in the form of a Letter To...)

The Wanker Charming Young Man in the Dining Hall,

I'm a "fat slut" for taking an extra pie? Wow, really? Imaginative insult right there! I am in awe of your wit!

Because I totally agree with you. My eating a pie makes me a raging whore! How could I have not known this?

You obese arsehole.

I am so incredibly sorry you missed out on stuffing your face with that mince pie I so wrongly took from your not-so-starving grasp.

I doubt you have the mental capacity to comprehend sarcasm, so I'll point it out to you. Everything above this is sarcasm. Apart from the bit where I call you an obese arsehole. That bit I mean with full sincerity.

If it wasn't for my wanting to return to my job next year I wouldn't have refrained from telling you what I thought of you. Couldn't let the angry version of myself (from way back in year nine) return from the depths to which I banished her.

Because, surprise! As an RA, I was getting the extra pie for a sick resident I was collecting dinner for. As far as I'm concerned, I'm perfectly entitled to my pie as well as one for that resident. And I couldn't give a damn if you were too slow to get up and get a pie. May I suggest you take your head out of your arse next time? You might move quicker then.

Furthermore, if I'm fat at 64kg, you must be clinically obese, and really could do without that pie and it's golf ball of fat. And while I fail to see your logic in linking pie consumption to my apparently out of control sex life, can I just point out that you have no idea what my sex life is like. Nor do I think you have any involvement in any girl's sex life.

And I have to do my job. So writing you up for yelling out derogatory obscenities across the dining hall would not be outside of my job description. What was your name?

I'm also sorry to inform you that that pie you coveted, isn't actually interested in being your company tonight. I know they say in American Pie that it feels just like an apple pie, but an unwilling mince pie feels nothing like an actual vagina. Take that from a "slut" who, being female and having a vagina, has seen more pussy than you ever will.

From Me.

PS: I still haven't eaten that pie.

What Brought You Here

Well, well, well, I have rediscovered my long forgotten blog. Hello again! How've you been these past few weeks? Oh. Months.

Ahem. Whatever.

So in light of the extended period of time since my last pointless blog post of random and useless ramblings, here is another post of that very nature. Enjoy.

To be honest, I couldn't care less if you don't enjoy it. Can't you just feel the love?

Recently, I was subject to a most harrowing, yet thrilling event. An event that had the potential to destroy my life, and to a certain extent it did just that. This event wasn't something to be taken lightly, nor was it something that could be ignored or avoided.

I'm talking about the end of my childhood, the end of that magic that was a major part of my growing up.

Harry Potter 7 Part 2 was released. I watched it and eventually, as all movies do, it ended.

Do not underestimate the severity of the impact this had on me.

Now, I hadn't really dwelled on this in a few weeks, university and study taking some precedent over my grief.

However, now I am mentally transported back to thinking about the finality of that movie. Harry Potter, both the books and the movies, had a special part in my formative years. While that isn't the topic of this post, it is somewhat relevant to a somewhat serious idea.

Oh dear. Me talking about something serious? No mention of metaphoric drugs*? Good God, what has the world come to.

Moving on.

'Don't forget your roots my friend, yeah.

Don't forget your family, yeah.

Don't forget your roots my friend,

The ones who made you, the ones who brought you here."

Yes, I did just quote Six60. Yes, I happen to really like this song.

Because they happen to make a very good point. Your roots.

No, not THAT kind of root. Get your mind out of the gutter, you dirty minded child.

Your roots. Where you came from. Your home. The experiences that you had. The people who where there from the start, and the ones that came and went. The movies, books, toys, TV shows and pets you had. Harry Potter. The things that shaped you into the person you are today.

Because without any of those things you wouldn't be the person you are today. And let's face it, you are loved for who you are, not who you think you should be or who others think you should be. Whether its your family, your friends, your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife, your children or your pet bloody chinchilla, they all love you for being you.

Of course, you can't forget a bit of self love. Nothing wrong in learning to love yourself for who you are. In fact, it makes you a happier person. Self love, self respect and self acceptance. Can't go expecting people to love someone who doesn't accept themselves.

Now, to all of those out there who are thinking 'oh God, she's really gone off the deep end of the crazy pool this time, talking about love and roots (not that kind of root) and all that fluffy, glittery, hippy like crap', you can stop reading now and piss off. Because in all honesty, if you disagree with me you're the only one making you read this blog anyhow. I haven't super-glued your corneas to your computer screens.

I don't think.

We're all different, we all came from different places and we've all felt and seen and heard different things. We might all be unique (just like everybody else), but we all are who we are meant to be. Where we are now is where we're meant to be, even if we're unsure of where we want to go/what we want to do/what we want to be next.

So we might as well all get used to it. Stop complaining about how you'd rather have someone else's life or some period of time from your past, and learn to love your now. Once you love and accept now, you can properly dream about what you want tomorrow, next week and ten years into the future.

Plans change, dreams last a lifetime. Allow yourself to live in the moment, let things go when they don't go according to plan. Make the most of every opportunity that now has to offer. Life is too short to regret not giving something a chance.

Everything that has happened up until this point was needed to happen to get you where you are today. Accept what's been and gone; lost friends and family, that special someone that didn't work out, that thing that  wasn't really a success. Be grateful for what you had, for what you have, and be there for the people that are always there for you.

In short, accept life for what it is.

*Actually I am still a metaphoric drug dependent. I won't be in rehab any time soon, and am enjoying the benefits of my "drug" of choice. My drug is a good drug, doing things good drugs should do, despite the minor side effects that come with any figurative drug abuse. That being said, I'm not planning on beating this addiction for a indefinite period of time.